Why Work-Life Balance is a Myth
In my early conversations with founders and startup leaders, I often ask how many hours they work, how they’re sleeping, and their satisfaction with their health. This isn’t about judging their hours or suggesting limits but understanding their relationship with work. I might also ask (sometimes also to their stakeholders):
What drives them in their work?
What about work still brings them joy?
(If applicable) What’s causing stress or anxiety?
For many leaders, work is a major part of life’s meaning, so it feels odd to split work from “life.” The question then shifts from work-life balance to how integrated all aspects of life are. It’s strange to think of work as “outside” life, yet this separation doesn’t reflect reality.
Life is rarely balanced between personal and professional realms. “Personal life” includes relationships, health, personal growth, creativity, fun and more. “Professional life” covers current responsibilities, future opportunities, team building, strategic thinking, upskilling and more. Often, one area demands more attention than others at any point of time. Viewing this juggling act as “integration” rather than balance can make it easier to manage. Life has rhythms—times when work dominates and times when personal life takes precedence. Accepting these shifts can bring greater ease.
I’ve noticed two main struggles leaders face:
1. Not Being Able to Switch Off from Work
What begins as joy in their work can shift to compulsion, where they aren’t able to switch off even when they want to. Many leaders feel they have to keep working, sacrificing well-being and relationships in the process. “I just have to deal with one more thing, and then I can stop working”!
If you agree with two or more of these statements, you may be driven by compulsion:
Do you work to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness or depression?
Do you feel stressed when not at work?
Are you more comfortable talking about work than other topics?
Do you miss important personal events for work?
Is it hard for you to relax on vacation?
When I started running to prepare for a trek, my Nike app recommended me to maintain a pace where I could still breathe easily. I did ask me run fast in short bursts, but the goal was to keep going without running out of breath over the entire running session.
Similarly, at work, the question is: do you find joy, or is it all about hitting a target? We can always push harder (take up one more project, complete 2 more tasks), but if you constantly sprint, can you sustain it? And if you necessarily need to run faster, how are you going to integrate it as part of your plan (training plan/ life) so that you don’t feel out of breath in the long run?
Marathon runners find joy in distance running, and no one questions their choice. Likewise, the difference in work is whether you feel energized and in flow or if it’s driven by guilt and adrenaline. If it’s the former, hours don’t matter!
2. Perfectionism and Overachievement
High achievers want to excel in everything, yet this juggling act can leave them feeling guilty/ disappointed, even when they give their best. In such cases, I ask clients to rate their own satisfaction levels across areas of life—not society’s standards, but theirs.
Source: toolshero
This Wheel of Life generally covers the key aspects, but feel free to add/remove any based on what’s important to you. After you have rated yourself on all aspects, connect the dots. Would the dots form a smooth wheel or a bumpy ride?
Life’s rhythm varies: over a month (or three), one area might dominate / take a back seat, but looking at a year, how balanced would your wheel of life be? Sometimes, deep joy in one area results in lower satisfaction elsewhere. What matters is how well these parts come together as a whole.
So, what does your wheel look like?
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