Resume vs. Eulogy Virtues: Redefining Success and Fulfillment

Photo by Nora Hutton on Unsplash

I’m still in “December mode” and haven’t felt ready to dive back into full-speed action just yet.

Being in this reflective mode, I’ve been still sitting with the question: “How do I want to be?” Recently, I came across a powerful addition to this line of thought in a book I read called Outlive.

The book primarily focuses on extending not just the length but also the quality of life. However, one chapter stood out for me—on Emotional Health. It introduced the concept of focusing on eulogy virtues rather than resume virtues. While the idea may seem obvious, it struck me as an incredibly profound way to approach the question: “How do I want to be?”

The concept is simple yet transformative: instead of prioritizing the qualities you’d list on your resume, think about the virtues you’d want people to highlight in your eulogy. This shift in perspective can be impactful in two key ways:

1. Distinguishing Success from Fulfillment

This theme often comes up in my coaching sessions—what drives my clients to keep doing what they do. In today’s hyper-competitive world, we’re conditioned to focus on resume virtues. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, neglecting eulogy virtues entirely can leave us feeling unfulfilled.

Take the story of a founder of a unicorn startup I was working with, for example. They shared how they had worked tirelessly for years to scale their company to unicorn status. On the day they achieved it, they felt a fleeting moment of happiness—perhaps a minute or so—but then came an overwhelming sense of being lost.

Vinay, the co-founder of Loom, recently shared a similar sentiment in his blog. While being a unicorn startup or achieving financial success might check the “resume” boxes, without deeper meaning, intention, and fulfillment, true contentment remains elusive.

💡 Fun fact: A study found that most successful executives experienced satisfaction for only 5-7 seconds after reaching a major milestone. After that, they immediately moved on to the next goal.

Awareness of what drives you is key to managing your expectations. Resume virtues are essential for thriving in the professional world, but don’t lose sight of the eulogy virtues that might help further in bringing true fulfillment.

2. Shifting from What to Who and How

When crafting a resume, we focus on achievements and experiences—what we’ve done. But when reflecting on our eulogy, we consider an entirely different set of people, often our closest friends and family, whom we might neglect while chasing success.

Ask yourself: Who would I want to deliver my eulogy?
Who all would be there who truly know you? Would it also include any professional contacts?

Consider the people you hope will attend your funeral. What would you want them to say about you? Perhaps they’d describe you as smart, action-oriented, or inspiring. But what else?

And here’s a more profound question: Would their words reflect the real you if you were gone today? If not, how would you start aligning who you are with how you want to be remembered?

Start here

Would you have any regrets if your life ended today? Would you feel that you lived it to the fullest, given your circumstances? If not, what changes could you make now to align your life with the person you want to be?

The shift from resume virtues to eulogy virtues isn’t about neglecting ambition—it’s about integrating fulfillment, meaning, and deeper connections into your journey.

As you step into this year, I invite you to ask yourself: “How do I want to be?” And more importantly: “How can I start living that way today?”

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