How to Break Free from Fear: Simple Techniques to Turn Anxiety Into Action
One of my favorite on-screen couples is Randall and Beth from This Is Us. I love them not just because they’re cool or because they work so well as a team, but also for how they approach new or difficult situations. They have this thing where, whenever they’re facing something tough, they ask each other, “What’s the worst that could happen?” And then they go wild imagining the worst-case scenarios.
This practice is a way of talking through their fears and anxieties. It helps them put things into perspective, often leading to the realization that even the worst-case scenario isn’t so scary after all.
Since discovering this, I’ve used it in my own life and in coaching sessions many times. When we confront our fears by verbalizing them, those fears can seem less daunting. Often, we find that our fears are unrealistic or exaggerated by our overactive minds. This activity helps us stay grounded and connected, even when things get tough.
When I started doing this exercise for myself before taking any “big” steps (and let’s be honest, our minds can sometimes make even small decisions feel big), I noticed something interesting. When I see all my fears as a big, heavy rock, it feels like a losing battle. But when I start leaning in and talking to my fears, I begin to see that what seemed like a big rock is actually just a bunch (or sometimes a mound) of pebbles.
Seneca said it well: “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
I’ve also found that writing down these fears, capturing them on paper, can help calm the mind and prevent it from wandering off to other distracting thoughts. Getting the “stuff” out of your head and looking at it objectively can help you see things more clearly for what they are and feel more grounded.
Once I have my list of fears written down, I go through them one by one, asking myself “How realistic is this fear?”
If it isn’t realistic, I move on to the next fear.
If it is realistic, I dig deeper, sometimes using the four questions from Byron Katie to stress-test my beliefs:
Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
How do I react when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without the thought?
If the fear is actually realistic, I then ask:
What could I do to prevent this from becoming a reality?
If it does come true, how could I manage the situation?
After examining my fears closely, I usually feel more at ease compared to when I started. Even if I still feel a bit confused or question whether it’s worth the effort, I go back to the situation at hand and consider the possibilities I could create by taking that step. I also think about what’s at stake. Keeping that in mind, I ask myself, “Is this something I’m willing to struggle for?” (inspired by What Pain Do You Want in Life?).
Another teaching comes to mind from my first 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat back in 2019. When you enter, you’re asked to deposit your mobile phone and disconnect from the world for 10 days. For many people (including some of my clients), this seems like an impossible task. They worry about what will happen at work if they switch off, or what if their family needs them? In one of the evening discourses, the teacher S.N. Goenka talks about how we exaggerate things in our minds, which can prevent us from taking action or fully living.
So, where are you letting fear stop you from taking an action?
Do you want to lead your life and your team from a place of fear, or from a place of possibility?
PS: I also wrote about one of the most common fears here: Overcoming Fear of Failure.
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