Are You Missing This Essential Leadership Trait?
Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash
There’s one thing I often find myself repeating to coaching clients, even if the topics we discuss are varied. Whether they’re focused on connecting with their team, motivating others, or simply managing their own overwhelm, my advice comes down to a single core idea.
As is true for most leaders, including startup founders, there’s a lot that demands attention: decisions to make, conversations to hold, meetings to attend, and endless information—emails, plans, data—to process. In the midst of all this, it can feel almost impossible to find the time to meaningfully connect with the team or inspire them.
But there’s a way to start—without adding any extra hours to your day.
A 2013 study by Bain & Company explored what makes a leader inspiring. They identified 33 unique attributes that create inspiration, finding that even possessing four of these attributes could be enough to make someone an inspiring leader.
Among these, one stood out as the most crucial: centeredness. Centeredness is about being fully present and engaged in the moment. This is what I emphasize with my clients.
Think about it—what might be a routine conversation or meeting for you could be something your team member has been preparing for, possibly for days. It may be the most important interaction of their week. Yet, if you’re distracted—checking your phone or preoccupied with other thoughts—you miss the chance to show them they’re valued.
Just by being fully present, by giving someone your undivided attention, you change the experience for both of you. For the other person, because they will know that you really were with them and listened to what they had to say. For you, because you aren’t processing multiple things at the same time and playing catch-up with all the information you are bombarded with (Spoiler alert: our mind can’t really multi-task in the moment).
In my last corporate role, I had a manager who always listened intently. They’d push their laptop aside, look at me, and truly listen. If they got interrupted or remembered something urgent, they’d call it out, asking me to pause until they could return their full attention. They didn’t spend much time with us outside work or share a lot personally, but I felt deeply connected and loyal to them because they made me feel heard.
I often hear the same in stakeholder interviews: team members who feel seen and listened to are more motivated and connected.
So how can you get started? Try practicing centeredness in just one meeting each day, ideally a non-review meeting where a laptop isn’t essential. Here are some practical steps:
Prepare yourself before entering: Take a few deep breaths, focusing on the rise and fall of your stomach, and set the intention to be physically, mentally, and emotionally present.
Minimize distractions:
Keep your laptop aside, if possible, and take notes in a notebook instead.
Keep your phone out of sight (a study suggests that even having a phone on the table can be distracting compared to keeping it in your pocket).
Refocus as needed: If your mind starts to wander, simply notice it and gently bring your attention back to the conversation.
Note: You may need your laptop in certain meetings, but start with practicing this in meetings where it can be avoided.
Are there any strategies that have helped you stay present in conversations?
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