What Going With The Flow Really Means
Photo by Mauro Gigli on Unsplash
"Going with the flow" has always fascinated me as a phrase, but it wasn’t until I literally learned to flow with a wave that I understood its true meaning.
As part of my sea swimming lessons, on days when the sea was rough and we couldn’t practice our strokes and kicks, we would dive right into the waves to get more comfortable being carried along with them. During one of these early sessions, a wave tried to turn me over onto my back, and I proudly managed to keep myself face down. The coach then advised me to let the water do what it does. After all, water is so much stronger than me, and I can’t really win; plus, I would tire easily. Thankfully, this lesson came before the next wave, which rolled me over my back. I didn’t hurt myself only because I was relaxed, and my body remained flexible.
I had generally seen myself as a person who could go with the flow, quickly adjusting to the situation at hand and doing what was required. I could adjust to the force of the wave and still keep my face down because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. BUT going with the flow also requires you to let go of what you feel you should do.
The subtle difference is made by the presence or absence of resistance. Can we be present to what is, and not start from what “should” be? Can we see the way things are by clearing our “shoulds” and judgments around it? A shark eats fish and turtles for survival—it is the way things are, neither good nor bad, just what it is. Nature and the world aren’t fair; in fact, there’s no way the world should or shouldn’t be. It just shows up the way it shows up.
The same is true for our life, circumstances, and the people that show up in our lives. People are who they are, and we can’t change them. Resistance to what is, is of no use. “Shoulds” can cause a lot of frustration, and much stress and conflict are caused by resisting acceptance.
However, being present without resistance doesn’t mean accepting things in a resigned manner. The practice of being with the way things are allows us to move from resistance to openness and curiosity, where we can be ready for the next step and the possibilities we can create. We are then free to ask ourselves, “What do we want to do from here?”
The Serenity Prayer sums it up beautifully:
“Dear God,
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.”
Where do you observe yourself having a lot of “shoulds”? Are you approaching the situation from a place of resistance or openness?
💡Tip: If you find it difficult to get past the resistance, a good place to start is accepting the resistance itself. Can you be present to what is happening and also present to your feelings and reactions, however intense they are? To experience firsthand how acceptance can lead to a new possibility, try this:
Make a tight fist with your right hand, and feel the pressure and force in that fist.
Now, try to open it with your left hand while your right hand continues to clench tightly. How did your right hand feel?
Next, wrap your left hand around the fist in a soft embrace, supporting it while your right hand remains clenched. How did your right hand feel now?
You will feel a softening of your right hand. Similarly, when we let go of resistance, we open up space for something new to happen.
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