Does Sharing Appreciation Lead To Complacency?
Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash
When I interview stakeholders for a leader at the beginning of a coaching engagement, a recurring theme is that teams often feel underappreciated. When I relay this feedback to leaders, responses vary from surprise to acknowledgment. Typically, they fall into one of these categories:
Founder/CXO Perspective: “I don’t seek appreciation, so why should they? Isn’t our growth the ultimate validation?”
Fear of Complacency: “We need to improve so much; I don’t want the team to become complacent.”
Appraisals Are Enough: “I mention their successes during appraisals. Isn’t that enough? It’s hard to focus on this amid so many tasks.”
If these reactions resonate, here’s how you can navigate this issue:
Different Motivations
While you may be driven by internal motivations like impact, creating something of your own, it’s incorrect to assume everyone shares these drivers. Team members often seek acknowledgment to gauge their performance. And even if internal motivation prevails, what’s the harm in being generous with appreciation? Humans inherently desire to be liked, so why withhold genuine praise?
🤔 Consider: Can you think of a time when you felt over appreciated by your manager, leader, or someone you respected? Likely, the answer is no. The same goes for your team (and also your friends, family and others in your life).
Balancing Criticism with Praise
Focusing solely on improvements can lead to a decline in motivation. Research suggests a 5:1 ratio of positive to critical feedback (Losada ratio). I won’t go so much into the hard numbers, and rather focus on the appreciation being genuine and felt.
Genuine appreciation also clarifies what you value, encouraging team members to excel in those areas. Feedback isn’t binary, it doesn’t have to be positive or negative, good or bad. It’s complex, just like us humans and our performance. There could be many things someone is doing really well, and those that they need to work on. And it’s okay to share both at the same time (but don’t use appreciation merely as a cushion).
💡Tip: For those struggling with how to be consistent with appreciation, try Marshall Goldsmith’s technique:
List 7–10 key people in your life (work and personal)
Set a weekly reminder to reflect “Did anyone on this list do something that I should recognise or appreciate?”
If so, share your appreciation with them through a message, mail, phone call, or voice note
Be specific in your appreciation (e.g., instead of “Great job on closing that account,” say, “Your creative thinking in structuring the deal helped close the account after 3 years”)
If nothing comes to mind for a person, skip it; authenticity in appreciating is crucial.
With time, this exercise builds the memory muscle of appreciation, and you will find yourself noticing and recognising it more frequently.
Added Benefits
Improved Connections: People feel more connected when appreciated. We often appreciate people in our minds, but seldom vocalise it. Or, we would speak about it with others but not directly to the person. Leaders often find this also benefits personal relationships, revealing missed opportunities for appreciation at home.
Positive Focus: Shifting focus to positive actions makes you see more reasons to appreciate others.
Mutual Good Feelings: Appreciation feels good for both the giver and the receiver, creating a positive feedback loop.
Who will be on your list?
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