Something You Might Not Know About Resilience
Photo by Ryan Grewell on Unsplash
Following the previous post on bringing your whole self to work, I want to dive deeper into dealing with emotions in this post. Being authentic starts with not only accepting all parts of your personality, but also doing the same with your emotions.
A couple of months back, I had a stressful situation to deal with for a few weeks on a personal front. While I was okay with showing my emotions, I also kept judging myself for being weak and not stronger. I questioned if I had the right to support others dealing with stress when I was a mess myself.
After all, I had all the tools in my repertoire, so why couldn’t I power through? It turns out there’s a difference between powering through and being resilient.
The word “resilience” comes from the Latin verb “resilire,” meaning “to jump back” or “to recoil.” Jumping back implies you also fell down. It’s about getting back up, but what’s hidden in the meaning is the fact that it’s okay to rest and gather strength to jump back up the right way
It meant it was okay to cry and not feel weak for crying. There’s a difference between crying to let my emotions out and crying, then seeing myself as weak, feeling sorry for myself or getting angry, and getting caught in a cognitive-emotive loop. Not feeling resilient wasn’t because of the emotions but because I was denying them.
When we try to fake feeling strong, the impact can be worse than feeling weak. Once I let myself cry without judgement, I immediately felt lighter. I could then accept I needed more support from my family (and sometimes more alone time), I could lean on them and ask for help!
Real strength is in looking at things the way they are, including when you accept that you may need help. Real strength is also kind. Many founders I meet have a “I can figure it out on my own” attitude. This is one of the reasons that they remain apprehensive about seeking support, yet acknowledge that entrepreneurship can be an isolating journey.
Sometimes, all it takes to be resilient is to pick up your phone and share with a friend what you are going through. Other times, it could be to allow yourself space to feel your emotions or let yourself rest, then get back up again. A lion rests and sleeps (and doesn’t hunt) when injured. It doesn’t make it weak. Can we also allow more acceptance in our lives?
A dear friend, who knew about what I was going through, shared something that resonated with me and hope it does with you too:
“Grandma, I’m tired. So tired of this life…”
“Take your tiredness, my child, and wrap it around yourself. Like a blanket in the cold winter months. Tiredness comes to make you a nest, to bring you to wear comfortable clothes, to make you sink into its warm embrace. I invite you to stay within yourself. Without strength, without thoughts, without actions. Like the snow that covers everything to soften the world, to make it muffled, to protect it from noise. Accept the flakes of your tiredness and let yourself be completely covered by them.”
“I could die buried under there…”
“You will be reborn instead. Like the seed in the ground. Do not resist your weariness, do not reject it with a thousand actions, a thousand intentions, a thousand feelings of guilt. It just wants to take you by the hand and lead you to sink into the void. Right there, where the source of every inner strength lies. They taught us to be strong by resisting. But it is in surrendering that the true heroes emerge.”
“I’m afraid, grandmother. What if fatigue will annihilate me?”
“My child, you are not afraid of tiredness but of losing control of yourself. The time has come for you to give yourself to life. And to generate together with it the most wonderful children: the fruits of your soul!”
- Elena Bernabè
💭Reflect:
Where in your life can you ask for help?
Where do you need to acknowledge and accept how you are feeling without judging and resisting?
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