From Overwhelm to Clarity: How to Regain Control of Your Emotions

Photo by Dynamic Wang on Unsplash

I’ve been going through some difficult times lately. But as I write this, I realize I can’t say for sure if they’re as difficult as they seem — after all, it’s all about mindset.

One of the cornerstones of empathy is not comparing experiences but instead staying with the feelings, believing them to be valid. This applies not just to others but also to ourselves. When we resist the urge to minimize or suppress our emotions, we give ourselves a better chance to process them. Over the years, I’ve become more intentional about allowing myself to feel my feelings, and I often point it out to others when I sense they might be dismissing theirs.

But last week, I had an insight — I may be tipping too far in the other direction.

A few things were weighing on my mind, and as I shared them with a friend, I found myself saying, “It feels like the whole world is crashing down.” She listened and held space for me as I processed my emotions. But then, with kindness, she pointed out that I was spiraling — connecting things in my mind that weren’t actually connected.

That simple observation was a powerful reminder: I wasn’t just processing my emotions; I was escalating and feeding them.

Psychologist Martin Seligman’s theory of Learned Helplessness explains that when we believe a situation is beyond our control, we start feeling powerless — eventually “learning” to be helpless. In some cases, this belief may be accurate. But often, it’s worth questioning: How true is this? What assumptions or exaggerations am I making?

This kind of thinking often follows the Three Ps of Suffering:

1️⃣ Permanence — Believing the situation will never change.
“I’ll never get a good job reference again.”
“I’ll never find love again.”

2️⃣ Personalization — Assuming the situation is entirely because of you.
“They’re suffering because of me.”
“I bring bad luck.”
“I can’t get my boss to respect me.”

3️⃣ Pervasiveness — Feeling like this one situation will ruin everything.
“Now that I lost my job, I’ll have to sell my apartment, and my girlfriend will leave me.”
“Everyone takes advantage of me.”

What You Can Do

When you find yourself feeling helpless or hopeless:

✅ Observe your thoughts. Notice if you’re using any of the Three Ps to describe your situation.
✅ Challenge your self-talk. Ask yourself, “Is this true?” Look for real-life evidence that contradicts the idea that your problem is personal, permanent, or pervasive. (Remember, the goal isn’t to minimize your pain but to see it more clearly.)
✅ Identify what you can control. Ask yourself, “What can I influence?” Even small actions can shift how you feel.

Are you going through a difficult time right now? Thinking about your own self-talk, which of the Three Ps do you tend to default to? And how does it shape your experience?

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