Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Simple Steps to Befriend It
Photo by Claudia Ramírez on Unsplash
The first time I encountered a version of imposter syndrome was when one of my seniors at McKinsey called out that a lot of hires at McKinsey are insecure overachievers. In that moment, I felt both exposed and accepted.
Since then, I’ve observed this inner voice, sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, being a constant companion. When I became a coach, I realized how common it is. Many clients shared the same thoughts:
“I just got lucky.”
“I don’t know what they see in me.”
“They’ll soon find out I don’t belong here.”
“I need to work harder to be who they think I am.”
“I’ll never measure up.”
Studies estimate that approximately 70% of people will experience at least one episode of imposter syndrome in their lives. Interestingly, early research suggested it was more prevalent among women, but newer studies indicate that men and women experience it at similar rates. However, men may be less likely to acknowledge it due to social and cultural factors. Overachievers and perfectionists are also more prone to experiencing imposter syndrome due to their high standards and fear of failure.
This resonated with my clients, who felt relieved knowing they weren’t alone.
As we work through it, it’s important to understand that this voice won’t disappear. Some call it the inner critic, but I have found it useful to just look at it as a part of your personality. It’s part of us — not an enemy, but a companion.
Think about it — children are full of confidence. They aren’t thinking whether they really know how to walk or run or climb the stairs. Doubt is learned, a self-protection mechanism built in to keep us from failing. This voice is trying to help, alerting us to potential pitfalls and pushing us to succeed. As long as we’re trying new things, it will keep raising red flags. It’s also a sign that we may be trying something new or pushing ourselves outside our comfort zones — which is a good thing than being complacent (and the voice being quiet and happy). Expecting to feel like we’ve “arrived” is unrealistic; when we’re always moving toward the next step.
Why wouldn’t you want this voice on your journey? You just need to take back the steering wheel in your hands while allowing it to ride along.
Here’s how you can take back the steering wheel:
Become curious and grateful: Rather than judging and resisting, see how this voice has helped and contributed to your success. Even if you don’t feel so, can you see that the intention of this voice is to watch-out for you?
Research the voice: Treat it as a project and get to know as much as you can about it. What are its usual dialogues? Where does it show up the most? What’s the general mood (panic, fear, judging, dismissing, etc). Gather information without judgement.
Name the voice: This voice which is talking to you, is not you. Naming it creates separation. One client named it “Unky” after a critical uncle; another chose “Brandon” for its obsession with her not having a brand name on her resume.
Observe without reacting: Listen to the voice without letting it take control. Acknowledge its concerns without letting it drive the car.
Speak to it as an adult: Engage with the voice. Address valid points, and calmly counter the irrational ones. We often tend to just feel the panic and let it keep repeating itself. Don’t just panic — have a conversation. (E.g. When that voice says, “You haven’t led a product team on your own. Are you sure you’re ready for this?” acknowledge the concern and recognize the step-up. Dig into where you might feel unprepared, like managing a team, setting a strategic vision, or negotiating timelines with the engineering head. Then, share how you’ve already conceptualized parts of the product and plan to learn team management or point out that you’ve been handling some responsibilities informally. Highlight your ability to have productive discussions with key stakeholders and remind yourself how you’ve successfully taken on new roles before, learning as you go.)
Two helpful reminders to calm the voice:
Create a mental trophy wall: Reflect on moments when the voice was loud, but you succeeded. Use these memories to remind the voice that you’ve got it under control.
No one knows everything: Everyone has blind spots. Acknowledge and address weaknesses highlighted by the voice, but don’t let them define your self-worth. You can work on them and still feel confident relying on your learning & growth mindset.
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